Your tits are I can't wait for
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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