If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize