I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
