dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
