one two three fourrrrnication!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
