stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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