I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
