I think my vagina is haunted
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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