Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
