mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
