Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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