my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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