that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
