I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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