I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
