i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
