You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
