Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
