the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
