I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
