It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
