During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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