just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
