he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
