Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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