my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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