is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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