I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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