My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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