I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im on a boat
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