weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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