Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize