Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize