Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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