i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
