You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
