update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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