she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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