Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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