Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
