Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
