I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
