You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
