the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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