Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
