I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've blown a few things in my day
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We had sex on a dog bed..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize