The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
