; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
