it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
