awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
