The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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