I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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