I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
