Can i not drive my cunt home
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
