apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
