She said her name was "party"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
