i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
