I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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