I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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