forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
