just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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