so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
