I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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