The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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