At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize