sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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