This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
