I hope mine doesn't look like that
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize