I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
