I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
