at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
