My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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