Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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