"it" just moved
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
